One Reason I Believe: My Faith Story
I have learned that it is not philosophical arguments that persuade about faith, about God. It is our own stories of how God moved in our lives, what He and only He has done for us. It is those stories that change lives, that moves someone to take a chance on relationship with The Father. This is one of my faith stories.
Twelve years ago, I lost a little girl half way through my pregnancy. Her heart stopped beating at 4 ½ months. Because of my history of infertility (I was unable to have children after our first son was born), tests were run to determine the cause. Our little girl was a Trisomy 16 baby. It was amazing she had survived as long as she did. The doctor told us that they usually self-abort early in the pregnancy. Our little girl held on for quite a while.
Needless, to say, our hearts were broken. Our 3 sons so wanted a little sister. We called her Gracie. She’s in heaven now – and one day, I’ll get to hold her and tell her how much I love her.
After we lost Gracie, the book, Faith Study, by Kenneth Hagan got into my hands. It changed my life. It changed my mothering. It changed the words I spoke.
“…Have faith in God. For verily I say unto you, that whosoever shall say unto this mountain, be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he [says] shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he [says]”— Mark 11:23
I started speaking Faith. Speaking the promises of God! Speaking followed by believing behavior that the mountain has been moved, that the problem has been solved.
Every healing in Jesus ministry was followed by an act of faith by the person “healed.” The blind man had to open his eyes, the crippled man, stand, the leper had to go to the church leaders and announce his healing.
Even before I conceived my 4th son, I would say, “Thank you God for this whole healthy child.” It was a battle ground, my mind was, but I spoke my faith. Every time fear would creep in, I would speak my faith—I would stand on the promises found in the bible.
Two weeks before my son was born, on a Monday, one of the minister’s at my church called. He asked how I was doing. I spoke my faith, “I’m doing great.” He had been praying for me, so he called.
Tuesday of that week, I meet with the older women at my church for their weekly coffee. These women were a joy, so generous with my desire to know what it was like to grow old with your spouse. My parents had divorced, and I had so many questions. I wanted appropriate expectations of my marriage. That morning, they prayed for me and my baby. These lovely women surrounded me, laid hands on me, praying. One of the prayers stood out, the prayer that I would have a Spirit-filled delivery. That stuck in my mind. I just couldn’t imagine praise, prayer, and the Holy Spirit in the deliver room. Can you?
Wednesday night, after I delivered my boys to their classes at church, I made my way to our church bookstore. On the way, a lady came from around the corner. She called my name, so happy to see me. It was as though she had known me all my life. She told me she had been praying for me that morning. I had never seen her before, but I felt so hugged.
A lot of times in so many nooks and crannies, you have to be somebody special, somebody who’s somebody, to have people reach out to you. I was amazed at the generosity of this lady. All I could say was, “thank you,” as she turned to go into the sanctuary.
As I walked to the bookstore, the words, “Something’s going to happen,” went through my mind.
Something did happen. At the hospital, the doctor was checking me when the umbilical cord came out in his hand.
“Stat C-section,” he said to the nurse, still in bed with me, trying to keep the baby off the cord. My epidural was wearing off. I was flat on my back in the bed. My husband helped the nurse, pushing the bed to delivery.
The hallways were so cluttered. My KISA (Knight In Shining Armor) tried to ram the bed through the hallway, but it was so cluttered, we couldn’t move. The doctor’s legs kept flinging up until I finally grabbed them, holding them down so we wouldn’t fall off the bed.
All I remember thinking on that ride? I can’t go home with empty arms again.
The doctor’s wife called. He was supposed to be at a funeral. She wanted to talk to him. How unsettling to call and find out your husband cannot come to the phone because he is in bed with a patient (it makes a better joke after the crisis is over).
We finally got through to the delivery room where we waited. . . .waited because the nurse failed to say,,”Stat C-Section” when she paged the anesthetist.”
My husband doesn’t like me to tell this part, but it’s so important to the story. While we’re waiting for the anesthetist, my husband’s leaning over me at the head of the bed—Praying. His tears are falling into my eyes. I just keep saying, “Jesus,” only “Jesus.” Nothing more, because He knew what I needed.
When the anesthetist finally arrived, I asked him to just knock me out. Some of you know that when they knock you out, it’s like you wake up immediately, you’re at the end of the story. I always read the end of a story first!
He couldn’t. He couldn’t knock me out until they started cutting. The drugs couldn’t get the baby. There my husband stood, and the whole ER crew, nobody in sterile clothing, no sterile gloves. My husband, my sensitive, giving husband, told me later that the one thing that bothered him was the nurse crying.
“I don’t have a heart beat,” was the last thing I heard before they knocked me out. It was 16 minutes after the cord prolapsed.
I woke up to a lot of pain. I didn’t know what to expect. However, I heard my father-in-law joking about my snoring, and I heard little baby sounds.
My son was born healthy and whole. When they went in to find him, he wasn’t where they thought he was. They thought they were holding him off the cord. He was held up high—by the hand of God.
When I asked about the survival rate, the nurses told me that Cord Prolapse babies don’t usually make it and when they do, they are brain damaged. The cord prolapse deliveries before and after me didn’t make it.
When my minister came in to see me, I asked him about what God had put in heart when he prayed. He answered, “About the safety of the baby.”
The prayer of those little ladies? Yeah, it was a Spirit-Filled Delivery!
The lady who said she was praying for me? I believed she was part of the Wednesday morning prayer group. I assumed they had a pregnancy lady prayer list, and I was on it. She wasn’t part of a prayer group. They didn’t have a list. I never found her to thank her. I spent 18 months looking for her to thank her. She doesn’t exist. She was sent by God to let me know He had the situation taken care of.
Brain damage? It’s like he’s been given an extra measure of so many things. His nick-name is, “The Fire and the Power of the Holy Spirit.” He wants to take care of people. He prays for people. When he was 5, He tried evangelizing his younger brother. He has a work ethic that is so totally self-motivated to do his best.
I didn’t go home with empty arms. Speaking Faith—the promises of God—moved my mountain. It can move yours!
Poignant.
Beautiful.
So, so like our loving God. Nothing is too hard for Him.
Thank you for sharing your story…you or the Holy Spirit made me cry.
This is very moving and touching. Thank you for the tears and the dose of love. I needed it today. Jen
This is the most beautiful words I have read all day. Thank you for sharing.
Saying hi from SITS.
Wow, what an amazing story. I love a happy ending. That is such a cute picture of the older brother holding the baby brother. One day you will make a great MIL to 5 women and then you will have your girls.
I just wanted to say Hi from SITS and thanx for visiting my blog! I love your blog, and although I don’t have a lot of time to read right now, I plan on coming back and reading through your stories. Just reading the first paragraph or two got me interested in reading more! You are a great writer! And you also have some great ideas too! Thanx for sharing! Have a great day! 🙂
So what I need to hear! This is beautiful.. thanks for sharing!
What a wonderful experience. It brought tears to my eyes. I’m sure words would not be able to tell you what’s in my heart. Just, thank you.
Dear friend,
This post had me in tears. You speak the language of my heart, and had “goose” bumps all over me while I was reading it from start to finish. That lady at the bookstore was an angel, I knew it from the moment you mentioned her, God sent by the Father to help you hold on to your faith. How I thank God for letting out paths cross.
I am so looking for John 5:19 bloggers – bloggers who blog with a purpose, God’s purpose…bloggers who do not merely tell their own stories, but the stories of their lives as written by God Himself.
Thank you for this post. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Honestly, I cried when I read the part where you wrote that your husband’s tears were falling into your own eyes, and you were also, as it were, crying his tears… how touching.
Love
Lidj
Thank you for your comments on my ‘confession’ post! 🙂 That was very sweet of you to take the time and what you said really means a lot to me. It is hard….I love him so much and I can’t help but think about how guilty I would feel for being hard on him if something bad were to happen. What I find is that he loves me more when I do make my behavior expectations clear! He has behaved so much better (still not great but he is only 2) the past couple of days. I notice when I behave better and am not lazy with my discipline, things are much better! I do feel like he is going to be a man much longer than he is going to be a little boy (I pray) and it is my responsibility to mold him into the man he needs to be. I only have a limited amount of time to do this and it has to start as soon as your child is born! It helps so much to hear you say the same words!! So… again… Thank you!! 🙂
what an amazing story! you will inspire many women.
Whew..I’m in tears, and I feel so blessed to have read this today. What an amazing story! Thank you so much for sharing it!!!!
Hugs!
WOW! What a wonderful story, I am glad it had a happy ending.
I just wanted to say thank you for stopping by my blog.
I look forward to reading more of your blog.
When you said you could not imagine prayer, praise and the Holy Spirit in the delivery room it struck a chord…
I was so disappointed when my midwife who had provided all my antenatal care could not be at my second delivery as she had to attend a more urgent case. ‘You’ll have to take pot luck’ were the words she used! I arrived at the maternity home in trepidation but as I walked down towards the delivery suite, I could hear the faint strains of beautiful praise and worship music… In the race to the hospital with ever increasing contractions I had forgotten to bring any of my own music to play. Entering that room was like being ushered into heaven… it was so beautiful..I have never forgotten that moment in time. God had everything in hand and provided a lovely Christian midwife to be on duty who prayed as she encouraged and assisted me to deliver my daughter.. just 30 minutes later. Pot luck? I don’t think so… not when God is with us!
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. But what a wonderful, affirming post this is. How great you were blessed with that perfect baby!
Wow! What an amazing testimony! God is in control. When you have done everything but stand, then stand!!!!!
What an awesome story…thanks for sharing! God is good, and has a perfect plan in everything, this was such a reminder of that. You have a beautiful family!
Thank you so much for your comment. And your post today was awesome. God is good!
What a miracle! I’m in tears because stories like this completely renew my faith.
What an incredible story — it brought tears to my eyes! Stories like this one change people… inspiring!
That was a truly touching story. I have been stuggling with my faith lately, but this story is what I needed to steer me in the right direction. Thanks.
Oh the sweet, sweet love of Jesus.
I have read this before, but as I read it again my heart (and eyes) just weep over the incredible and gracious hand of God.
Every life is a miracle… my life, my son’s life, my future children’s life… but your story reminds me once again how profoundly true that is.
Ahh…..
AMEN
I’m weeping! PRAISE GOD!!! And what a powerful vision his miraculous delivery casts for his life!!! Truly amazing! What a Mighty God we serve! Thank you so very much for linking up this incredible story. 🙂
Visiting from the antbed. Wowowowow! I won’t soon forget this amazing story!
What a beautiful story. Yes, it is our own stories that invite people into faith, into a closer look at Jesus. Thank you for sharing this one.
That is a story…that needs to be told. Thank you.
I love Kenneth Hagin! Your faith journey and church home sounds much like mine. I’d love to compare notes sometime. So glad you were covered in prayer long before you had your son!
I got chills reading your story. Our God is amazing. Thank you for building my faith today.
you don’t know how this spoke to me today. thank you.
Such a story of faith. You have a great faith, my dear. I admire and am inspired by your faith. Yes, faith is the engine that moves our lives.
Such a beautiful and heart-wrenching retelling of this story in your life. Thanks for leaving the link for me. I’m trying to believe and hope again.
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Wow! What a beautiful and life giving story!