Muddy Chess Bars, Not Giving Up
I remember turning my completed thesis in to The Dean of Graduate School’s Office and waiting, waiting, waiting. I’d pop in and ask – I was on pins and needles. I’d fought an uphill battle to get to that point. My initial thesis-adviser kept sending other students to persuade me that creative writing was not my thing – if I didn’t have it “now” – I wouldn’t have it later. My first thesis adviser eventually dropped me.
Fortunately, my second thesis adviser encouraged and supported my quest – because that’s what a quest is – isn’t it? Following a dream, overcoming obstacles, not giving up until the goal is reached? The Quest complete?
Still, the adviser for graduate students told me point blank, when I was nine-months pregnant that I had no creative ability whatsoever. He suggested an analysis thesis. I remember standing, ungainly, trying to reach the end of my first year of graduate school, shaking in my soul shoes, answering, “Well, I think you’re wrong.” I mean, who says that to someone in authority. . . to someone who has the doctorate to prove they know. . . .
My grandmother had taught me to stand up for what I believe. If I hadn’t learned to stand up to her on important things, I don’t know that I would have ever been able to stand up to all those voices in The English Department who kept telling me to give up. From her, from Mary Edna, I’d learned the value of standing my ground and coming out richer in soul ways for it. She helped raise me to be strong enough for the storms. It must have been God that made me stand firm to Grandmother because no one else did – she could make the strongest, boldest back down. I knew that if I could stand up to Grandmother, I could stand up to anyone.
So I waited on the dean. She was in bed with the flu. My 25-year-old self couldn’t understand being in bed sick and not able to read. The ladies in The Office of The Dean of Graduate school were gracious and kind. Then, I did get a call. My heart dropped and panic set in. You see, three days before the due date, I was putting final corrections in my thesis. My floppy drive – yes – you heard that right – floppy drive because word processors were new in 1985 – floppy drives were The Biggest, Best Thing Ever (if you’ve ever typed a 14-20 page research paper on a typewriter, you understand the truth of this statement). Well, my floppy drive refused to give me my thesis. It was corrupted and I had to retype in three days with all corrections made (says this girl who always types a mistake) for a 128 page document. Apparently, in the panic-driven re-type,I left out half a chapter in the middle. . . in the middle. . . the dean liked it so much she read every word. She told me later that she rarely reads through the entire documents – but she couldn’t put it down.
Mortified horror at my mistake and elation smacked into each other leaving me feeling, well, all upside down and downside up. I corrected my error, turned it back in. The ladies in the office and I had become great friends by then.
A few weeks later, The Chairman of the English Department called me in. Of course, I thought he was going to tell my thesis didn’t make it, that I wasn’t going to graduate. . . because I hadn’t got a lot of support in those quarters. Instead, he told me The Dean of the Graduate School said it was the best creative thesis she’d read out of his department. He also told me a poem I’d written had earned honorable mention in the Sigma Tau Delta National English Honor Society’s creative publication.
In the introduction to my thesis, I included Charles Dickens’ response to a man’s request to view his manuscript to determine if he had creative ability. Dickens replied, “For all I know, the land is yours by right – More than the land being mine by right.”
Dreams are funny things – God puts them in our souls, and we look at them through our life experience, pigeon hole what they will look like, work like by what we see and know in the world. Yet, when God dropped that dream to write in soul, and when I started writing as a six year old, I wrote with a pencil. As I grew older, I wrote with pens and typewriters. Then came the word processors. When I typed and wrote at the newspaper, there was just print news – and book publishers. God knew, though my six-year-old-self had no idea, of places called blogs for writing and media like Instagram. Six-year-old me had no idea something called Instagram and Facebook would exist for a different kind of writing. Neither did any of the advisors who kept encouraging me to just stop! To give up! To accept that I “didn’t have it.”
But God knew because He’d given me exactly the skill-set I needed
to do
what He created me to do
at the time He needed me to do it.
He just needed me to not give up,
to trust Him
– and do!
No! I’m not famous. My blog is like a little country house on a little used road that ministers to those who travel that road and stop by for some refreshment, some encouragement to continue onward. Thirty-four years ago, this little road didn’t exist, . . . but God knew it would.
I am thankful today – for those who taught me to stand firm for what I believe, even when nobody else believed in me. I am thankful for the kindness of people I meet on this journey. I am thankful for a God who holds the plan, who holds me – and who has patiently shepherded me to walk out that plan, who stood and still stands with me in the hard and easy parts of the journey – and who knows things ahead that I know nothing of but has already planned for them. I just need to continue trusting and doing. . .
In the midst of recouperating from Covid, I thought about the kind dean and the ladies in her office. I finally understood being sick in bed and not able to read anything! Last week, I pushed through a post-covid spinning world – finishing Anne of Green Gables and picking up Ben-Hur. I made myself start baking, too. I needed to start doing and the more I did, the less the world spinned.
I cleaned, folded laundry, vacuumed Sadie’s dust bunnies – and nailed down this recipe. I’d tried it three different ways – and I’m going to give you two. Muddy Chess Bars I is a bit messier – like a real chess bar. The other is brownier. The boys liked Muddy Chess Bars I the best. The mom in me liked the brownier bar, Muddy Chess Bars II because it’s less messy – which would be easier for little kiddos to handle. Messiness over Taste? You decide!
This week I am continuing to do, to dream, to trust Him to work out what He’s put inside me.
What are you continuing to do, friends? What dreams has Our Father placed in you? Dreams that worked out in ways unimaginable when you first dreamed them? What are you doing this week that He dropped in your soul years, decades ago? Tell me about that beautiful quest!
Muddy Chess Bars I
Ingredients:
Layer 1
One Package Chocolate Brownies (I used Double Chocolate Ghirardelli)
2 egg
a 1/2 cup( one stick) Butter, melted but cool
1/2-3/4 Cup Chocolate Chips
Add all layer one ingredients, except for chocolate chips, and mix. Spray a 9X13 pan with non-stick spray and line with parchment paper. Spread the mixed ingredients into the bottom of the 9X13 pan. Top with chocolate chips.
Layer 2
1 (8 oz) Package Cream Cheese, Softened
1/2 cup (one stick) Butterutter, softened
2 Eggs
1 tsp Vanilla
1 (16 oz) box Powdered Sugar
Add all ingredients into mixing bowl and beat until mixed – at least two minutes. Spread over the brownie layer.
Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes, then lower temperature to 325 degrees for 45-50 minutes. The Muddy Chess Bars will fall in the middle while cooling. Be sure to press the sides down after it falls. When cool enough, remove to the refrigerator to continue cooling. Let sit there for at least an hour before cutting. Sprinkle the top with Powdered Sugar when ready to cut.
Muddy Chess Bars II
Ingredients
Layer 1
One Package Chocolate Brownies (I used Double Chocolate Ghirardelli)
2 egg
1/4 Cup Water
1/3 Cup Vegetable Oil
1/2-3/4 Cup Chocolate Chips
Add all layer one ingredients, except for chocolate chips, mix. Spray a 9X13 pan with non-stick spray and line with parchment paper. Spread the mixed ingredients into the bottom of the 9X13 pan. Top with chocolate chips.
Layer 2
1 (8 oz) Package Cream Cheese, Softened
1/2 cup (one stick) Butterutter, softened
2 Eggs
1 tsp Vanilla
1 (16 oz) box Powdered Sugar
Add all ingredients into mixing bowl and beat until mixed – at least two minutes. Spread over the brownie layer.
9X13 Pan
Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes, then lower temperature to 325 degrees for 35-40 minutes, or golden on top. The Muddy Chess Bars will fall in the middle while cooling. Be sure to press the sides down after it falls. When cool enough, remove to the refrigerator to continue cooling. Let sit there for at least an hour before cutting. Sprinkle the top with Powdered Sugar when ready to cut.
Places I’m Linking at This Week:
Inspire Me Monday, Instaencouragements
Share a Link Wednesday, Legacy Link-Up
Grace and Truth, Faith on Fire, Tell His Story
***All photos marked with Muddy Photography or © Blue Cotton Memory or used within Blue Cotton Memory blog(s) belong Blue Cotton Memory. Going forward, photos will be marked with Muddy Photography.
Omgosh, Maryleigh! You had me at “shaking in my soul shoes”! And when I saw your name, well, I couldn’t read fast enough (my almost grandma’s name was Mary Lee). This was a feast for my spirit. My labor of love is right now sitting at the publisher being formatted, and after visiting at Anita’s I must gather my cover design thoughts to submit asap. Your words of encouragement to stand up for what we believe and keep going are balm for my mind and soul. Thank you for listening to the voice of Jesus and sharing it with others. Blessings!
Congratulations Alice on your book! Praise God for the courage to stand up for what you believe! Keep going, keep doing – God has the plan! It sounds like there is a precious story about your almost-grandma, Mary Lee! I’d love to hear it some time! Shalom! ~ Maryleigh
Are these rich or what!!! They look wonderful.
I would like you to pray with me that I am walking in God’s will for my life. I am also getting some pushback as I begin to tell a few friends of a plan I believe is God’s will for the next step in my life. I would appreciate your prayers that I am preparing for the right thing. Asking Him to close doors if that would be His desire for me. Thank you, Maryleigh.
Dear Father, praying that if you have other plans for Linda, that you would take the desire away, but that if this is, indeed, you plan, you would send her encouragement to let her know without any doubt this is what you would have her do. I pray that you will open doors that need opening and close doors that need closing. I pray that you will send laborers across her path that affirm to help her withstand any pushback and those who say, “you can’t.” We know all things are possible with you, Lord – and you know the plan you have established in her heart, the dreams you have put within her for the work you created her to do. Your daughter, Linda, loves you so Lord, humbling herself and glorifying you! I pray you fill her with courage, God-tasks, and the confidence of who she is to you! It’s in your son’s name, Jesus, I pray! I am excited for you, Linda! ~ Maryleigh
Oh Maryleigh, I loved this description so well: “My blog is like a little country house on a little used road that ministers to those who travel that road and stop by for some refreshment, some encouragement to continue onward. Thirty-four years ago, this little road didn’t exist, . . . but God knew it would.” But as I clicked the copy&paste button, something hit me. My post today is about that very time period also. 34 years ago we were packing up for our move back to the Midwest from California. Thank you for the sweet encouragement you offer here. God knew how much I would need to see HIS timing in every detail of our lives. Bless you, dear friend.
Our expectations are just shadows of God’s plans – but, oh, how He knows! I’m trying to just stop trying to figure it out – the emotions of not knowing – and just learning to hold on tight, not take my eyes off the one who holds the plan. Some days it’s easier said than done! Praying for you during this Big Change – praying you see and feel it through His eyes, Bettie! ~ Shalom, friend ~ Maryleigh
Maryleigh, this is such a beautiful and encouraging post. I am glad you are feeling better AND still writing. You always bring the loveliest words for us all!
Thanks so much for coming by, Joanne – and for your kind encouragement! Shalom in your week! ~ Maryleigh
I love this post Maryleigh!
Bless you,
Jennifer
So glad you came by Jennifer! Thank you for the encouragement! Shalom! ~ Maryleigh
Wonderful food for thought and motivation, Maryleigh! Let’s hear it for those of us who persevere despite the naysayers!
You express it well, Linda! Yes! Let’s hear it for those of us who persevere despite the naysayers! Shalom, Maryleigh
I’m glad you’re getting better and able to make that mouthwatering cake!
Your words are so encouraging, Maryleigh. Although I haven’t had anyone really turning down my ideas, I do it to myself most often. I’ve finally decided to work on getting out a book I’ve always dreamed of writing and you words were inspiring!
Stay well.
I’m so excited you are following the dream God planted in you! What a beautiful journey!!! ~ Maryleigh
I think I would agree with your taste testers. The gooier the better for me. And they look delish!
The boys really enjoyed them! It’s a great all-around treat for all ages!
Maryleigh, what a beautiful post and testimony of following hard after the dreams God’s given you. This right here: “Dreams are funny things – God puts them in our souls, and we look at them through our life experience, pigeonhole what they will look like, work like by what we see and know in the world.” I’ve seen how God has given me a dream to become published and I had a vision of what that would look like, how long it would take (ha!), and how I would go about it.
But God . . . He had a different vision for me and this dream. He’s used my journey to bring healing to my heart and life. In some ways, He’s “killed” my vision of the dream as He aligned my heart with His vision. I don’t know if that makes sense or not.
Your story about how much your thesis was loved made me smile so BIG. I LOVE when God does that.
Your experience makes perfect sense! He did the same with me – healed my heart and life – killed my vision and aligned my heart with His – and in all that taught me how to be a daughter to His Father! We are so blessed with how He loves us Jeanne! So very blessed!
Maryleigh, I love the description of your blog on a little used road. I could so relate. And as for floppy drives!! In college my dad built me a computer that used DOS and had those stiff CD type things we saved data on. A few years later he brought me a floppy drive reader and took my other drive. And installed a new version of Word Star so I had pull down windows. Yes, big improvements. I still have a box of floppy drives with all my work saved from college and that time period. I used that computer for years, and finally got into Microsoft windows in 2020 when I bought a laptop.
Your story had me reading for more. And it reminded me of my graduate school days and those teachers who thought they knew you should not have been admitted into the program. My advisor / teacher told two students this and they dropped from the program. She didn’t think much of my writing the first semester. Then a good friend of hers came to visit and teach and this new teacher raved about my writing to my advisor. Suddenly she saw potential in me and my writing. Your story reminds me to stand up for myself and to follow my dreams. One of which is writing. I am constantly writing, even if just in my mind.
There is no dream comes into existence with having to fight for it – is there – either by our own determination or by standing and trusting God to do the fighting. I am so glad we have word processors instead of typewriters, though. Like you, I am constantly writing, even if just in my mind. I am that way with photos, too. I am constantly writing when I am photographing!
Standing firm for what you know to be true–that’s a quality trait that can both get us into trouble and keep us out of trouble! 🙂 But whatever the results it’s always the best option to choose. Thanks for your example, Maryleigh.
So true, Lisa – it’s a hard lesson but I’ve learned that sometimes you have to walk through hard places where people don’t believe and are not kind about it. It’s hard enough wrestling with our hearts – harder when others wrestle with you, too! Yet, standing firm for what one believes is the only way to get to where we need to be, even if it doesn’t make sense to the world and ourselves sometimes. Shalom, Lisa! ~ Maryleigh