♥ Journey through a Stage
By now, you’re probably wondering if Bluecottonmemory is just about relationships. After all, that’s what my major posts have been about for a couple of weeks. Bluecottonmemory is about raising sons. The subject Relationships is just an incredibly poignant part of my life right now. You see, my oldest son is getting married next Saturday. I’m leading up to that, so that is where my heart and mind are. I’m so blessed to be able to write about life leading to that moment. Next week, posts are entitled, “What do you think about her?” and “Prayer to my daughter-in-law.” For now, I’m going to lighten up the relationship discussion. I hope you will laugh with me.
The benefits of having 3+ sons is that you get to use everything you learned from sons one and two over and over again.
My oldest son at age 10 said, “I’ve never had a truly happy day in my life.” He then declined into bleakness, broodiness , and moodiness. My first response? “I’ve got pictures and video to prove you’ve had happy days!”
My second response dealt with my confidence as a mother. What had I done wrong? What happened to the young man who made the sun shine when he walked into a room? The young man filled with quiet confidence? The one who thought I hung the moon? This blunt, direct boy who could see into the heart of a situation could find no happiness in the life I’d given him. How had I let him down?
He eventually put his brooding days behind him. The sun shined again. However, when he emerged, he was more of a man. I no longer hung the moon. He realized I was only human. How utterly deflating!
My second son, more passionate in his responses to life, communicated emotionally. Believe me, when one broods, one does so quietly. There was nothing quiet about this 10 year old. Big emotions call for big words. He was. . . atrabilious—irritable, bad-tempered, splenetic, more commonly called peevish. I remember thinking, “Whoa! What have I done? Where did this come from?” What happened to my hard-working guy who had compassion for the underdog? Keep in mind, the underdog never lives in your house –a brother is never the underdog, at least not at this age. However, he was so passionate in his displeasure in life, I didn’t see any similarities between brothers or ages.
Have I said yet that I learn best through experience and repetition?
My confidence as a mother took quite a beating. There were days the sun shined and smiles lit my world, but they were as rare as an opossum found alive on a road. He’s maneuvering out of that stage. He’s still passionate in his response to life, but more tempered. He’s starting to understand his compassionate nature more, not letting peers take advantage of him. He actually smiled pictures this year!
When my third son, my joyful son, mischievous, giving, hugging son stopped smiling, stoppered the joy, then it hit me, “It’s a stage!” It wasn’t me—it’s a stage. I think my soul leaped and danced with joy. The backpack of guilt was thrown down! He’s still journeying through the dark tunnel of this stage. His joy is bubbling back up more often, more mature, more manly. I no longer hang the moon. He’s realized I’m only human. However, I can see the end to his tunnel journey.
My fourth son is entering the tunnel. He entered adoring me, thinking I hung the moon. I can see him pulling away, though.
However, I understand it is a stage. It is a huge stage in terms boy to man. The mother-son relationship metamorphasizes during this journey. Snugglebuggles fade to the occasional hug. I practically have to tackle my sons for hugs. I heard on a news report once that just a touch can release happy phenomes in a person, which is why hugs are so wonderful.
“Stop touching me, Mom,” I’ve heard sons 2 and 3 say. One’s usually sitting in the front seat on the way to school. I’ll usually pat their arms, or, OK, I’ll be honest, try to tickle their necks or inside the bend of their arm at stoplights. I just say, “You need happy phenomes to have a happy day—happy phenomes from mom.” That’s a little nutty. However, being the only girl in a house of guys, I’m allowed a little nuttiness.
I’m ready for that tunnel when the baby starts to go enter. I’ve got a little over a year, so I’m going to every minute of the boy, of someone believing I hung the moon.

"It is no small thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us" Charles Dickens, The Old Curiosity Shop
Now that I understand the behavior pattern, I have got a plan. With a plan, I can face any challenge. Especially when that challenge is backed up by God. This gave me hope in the confusion. Whenever I was in doubt about my son’s behavior, I would pray Psalm 139:12-16:
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“For you created my[sons] inmost being; you knit me[him] together in my [mother’s ]womb. I praise you because I[he] am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My[His] frame was not hidden from you when I[he] was made in the secret place. When I[he] was woven together in the depts. of the earth, your eyes saw my[his] unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book.”!!
God knows what he put in them and why their behavior manifests the way it does. He designed and engineered them to work the way they do. When we ask, he gives us the appropriate manual for how they work. Thanks goodness He always knows what is going on!
What a beautiful post!! They grow so fast, and so differently (I’m finding). I have four girls and my challenges will be a little different, but no less perplexing.
I remember when my only son turned twelve. Turned away from me. Toward his dad.
I remember the hurt. Felt like I was no longer needed. Not as important.
He came back around. Married now. Told me just a few months ago,
“Mom, You’re the second most important woman in my life.”
Hmmm. Second place. In this case, not such a bad place to be.
Hang in there.
Enjoyed your post.
Well, this is a good post for me to read. I’ve got two boys ages 6 & 8. I guess I should prepare myself!
I pray that God will continue to sweetly bless your family.
THANK YOU for sharing your wisdom. Being one of three sisters I have no idea how to raise boys.
I’ve got eight years to go before my little man turns 10, so I am going to treasure these snuggle stages!!
wow that is quite a stage. It’s funny how it can take us a will to recognize the stages. Of course, you’ve got years in between that particular stage. Still it must be hard no matter what to see your sons pull away.
i really love your blog and your photos. They are gorgeous.
I love coming to see all of your new photos. I also like reading about your family since I have all boys too! Being that yours are older I can sort of read and see what I have to look forward to. Thanks! 🙂
Oh, and I love the new photo! I am always looking for new ways to pose the boys. Do you take all of your own photos?