♥ Are You Man Enough?
My second son came in the kitchen late one winter afternoon. He was a freshman in high school. He pulled up a stool at the counter. I was doing dishes and cooking. He was dazzled again, by the sweet girl who had dazzled him in the 8th grade, the lovely girl who prompted the “You’re a Cake” lecture. They had “broken” up way back in the old days of the 8th grade. To be honest, even though they had broke up, they still admired each other.
There he sat, across from me, telling me how much he cared for her. He wanted to marry her when he graduated from high school.
All my sons have different communication “techniques.” The oldest is seriously logical, the second emotional and passionate, the third humorously logical, the fourth passionately logical, and the fifth – well, he’s our trash talker – quietly humorous, logical, easy-going.
Understand, too, 14-15 year olds communicate differently than they did when 3, 6, 9, 11, and post-16. Fourteen-fifteen year-olds take verbal stances that challenge. They like to turn their face to a point as if their face were carved in stone. It’s a very emotional stance. That emotional stance is like a wall that won’t be breached with logic. He was deeply convicted, defensive, and, in his estimation, mature enough to make this decision now, today.
I didn’t tell him he would think differently in a few years. That’s a useless argument. I didn’t tell him he was too young. That would have been like throwing gasoline on a fire.
Instead, I asked, “Are you man enough?”
The wall dropped. The emotions dried up. He didn’t say a word. Well, really, his heart probably fell to his feet. That’s what happens when truth hits you whether you like it or not. Especially when you don’t see it coming the way it did.
“Are you man enough,” I asked. “To take it to God and ask Him, ‘Is she the one you created for me?’ Do you love her enough to accept a ‘No” from God if He tells you she’s not the girl He planned for your life? Because if God says, “No,” then that means you are denying her greater happiness. Do you love her enough to let her have the happiness God made for her? You’re also denying yourself greater happiness, too.”
He walked away from our discussion emotionally subdued. I read his answer in his eyes. He didn’t want to take it to God in prayer. He didn’t want to risk a “No” from God. I could read it in his eyes. That was along, slow walk away from the kitchen. I imagine it is when you’re not ready to be what you want to be.
He’s prayed about every girl he’s liked since then. Sometimes he says God says ,”Yes.” But I think he doesn’t hear God over his own voice. He’s working on hearing God and not what he wants-not directly. He’s learning through experience in the relationship field. He moving towards accepting the truth in prayer.
The character of a man isn’t created in a day. It grows, just like an oak tree, until it’s tall enough and strong enough to withstand the storms. When he meets the girl God made for him, he’ll be strong enough and man enough to listen to God’s answer!
Wow! what a powerful post!! you are a mother of wisdom :O) thanks for dropping by my blog!! it’s nice to meet you!
He’s lucky to have a mom to ask him these questions. Very touching!
Thanks for stopping by today…I love your blog!
That is an incredible post. And you must be an incredible mom. I stopped by from SITS and I am ever so glad I did.
Wow. My son hasn’t worked up the nerve to talk that seriously to a girl so I doubt he’s talking to God either. I’m storing this one away for the time that he does!
It’s wonderful that you have this level of dialogue with your son!
Trusting God is half the battle in being able to hear His voice. Good thing you’re starting him young. I still have my struggles. See my today’s post.(http://memoriesinthewind.wordpress.com/2009/06/10/does-god-have-3-feet-and-why-can%e2%80%99t-he-keep-his-shoes-tied/)
Wow. What wisdom you possess. I absolutely love this story. Thank you for sharing!
You make me feel like I can handle it if my ‘hypothetical’ third child is a boy. Amazing post, so well written.
Thanks for stopping and saying ‘hello’
great wisdom! thanks for stopping by my blog, I hope you have a great day!
Oh! the wisdom God has granted you! I appreciate your stopping by my blog and I think I have a lot to learn from you!
I agree with all your other commenters. You sound like an amazing parent, your dear sons are so lucky to have you.
I love that your son felt he could come to you to talk about such a thing – and that you didn’t belittle his emotions.
Great story. I’m adding you to my blogroll – I just know that this is the type of parenting insight that I need. I’m SO glad you stopped by. 🙂
Thank you for your comment and for visiting me.
I’m going to have my sons read this. Beautifully written.
Love your blog!
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your comment about having your grandmother’s cast iron skillet. I should have added to my post that cast iron is often handed down through generations of families because it is practically indestructable. If your skillet could talk, what wonderful stories and recipes it could share about the delicious food that was cooked with love that she made for her family. (Or how she kept grandpa in line with it!) 🙂 Your sons are going to make wonderful husbands someday. And that skillet will have new families to feed.
Thank you reading my blog, Mary Leigh. Thank you for your encouragement and for leading me to this post… What a wonderful account of seeking truth (and having trouble with it). Because the trouble part definitely happens. It’s in our nature to be selfish and seek our own desires over the Lord’s perfect plan for us! I hope that in my story, I have heard the Lord’s Will as He meant for me to hear it and I’m sure your son will get there, if he isn’t already! 8-D
This was amazing, and I think I’m going to bookmark it so that in 10 years I can say the same thing.
LOVED this!
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Excellent. “Are you man enough” – great wisdom in a small 4 word sentence. God has truly given you great insight and wisdom in this area.
No wonder God gave you all of these beautiful sons. You are a great Mom! I pray my daughter’s future husband has a Mom like you.
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